I've got to be honest. I am not a big fan of advertising my flaws, wearing my humanity inside-out. Most of the time, I keep all of that prudishly hidden and, yes, I kind of do judge those who aren't as discreet as I am. But I also kind of judge those who never let any struggle be seen. Frankly, I try to be moderate so I can continue to put my best and prettiest face forward while giving the appearance of confiding and spilling my guts out. Nope, just kidding. I don't.
This is how I am with praying out loud. I can say some truthful and somewhat raw things when I pray in a group, with my kids, or alone with my husband. But it's not all of it. Maybe it's not supposed to be, although David was quite terribly shameless in his Psalms. Oh, if I could be as bravely humble as David. Perhaps it was easier because he threw it all into songs, like Taylor Swift. Every messy bit of his life was belted out in a little rant-like petition. Yeah, I should write more prayer songs. Or just sing them. To an audience of One.
Dear God,
"Where can I go from Your Spirit?..." Nowhere, really. And I'm actually thankful for that. It's pretty hard to find friends who are so unconditionally loving and faithful, and won't condemn me for my mistakes. And I am embarrassed to admit that I am not that kind of friend, much of the time. I try to be but trusting is hard, especially when I am just minutes away from my next failure. Life hasn't been easy, lately, and I've been asking a lot of scary questions about You. The answers should be as obvious as Your Word but I'm not the best at remembering what I already know to be true. "Help me overcome my unbelief." That sums it up, right now.
~ Glory
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