Stuck

There is something so infernally wrong about seeing the sunlight pouring through our windows and pulsating between tree branches and feeling anxious and depressed. I know how it should make me feel to have the sun's warmth on my skin knowing that cholecalciferol (natural Vitamin D3) has unlimited potential to change my mood. Yet, for some reason, I am blue.

Reaching for the phone I call my good husband to ask outrageously if he could change his schedule to pick up our elementary student from school. The boys were warmer bodied than usual this morning and they have been exclaiming "ouch!" every time they sneeze and their coughing hasn't lessened. Dad is understanding and then asks me if anything else is wrong. I feel depressed, I tell him. There are things that a mom deals with when the oldest is making her own choices that are difficult to accept and I'm stuck here stressed and knowing I should be praying but instead I'm rehearsing conversations that will never happen. Her reasons are confusing and make me feel dizzy and clumsy when I try to respond in a way that reinforces my authority and shows that I'm the mature adult when in reality my own thinking hasn't advanced nerarly that far, most of the time. I feel childish and sulky and I struggle with the impulse to sit in a corner scowling at the floor.

Dear Lord, please help me to stop trying so hard to know more about Your plan and purpose for my family and my children than You have already shown me. You promise that the Words that You have spoken will do the work You have sent them to do. This gives me comfort and relief but at the same time it forces me to admit that I won't know everything that you're doing because I don't think like You do and I don't work like You do. This leaves me to accept that You are in control and my job is to surrender my will. Help me to remember this when I'm stuck in my attempts to be the one in charge.

Glory